Today I have been a little anxious. Well more impatient than anxious, but somewhat anxious. You see, Matt and I applied for an apartment. For where, what and how much we are looking for it's PERFECT. We tried looking for houses, but the upkeep and maintenence just seemed like to much for a rental, so apartment it is.
Well, we applied. When we initially applied I had a great feeling. Its ''Affordable Housing'' so you have to meet specific requirements to be approved. The girl we spoke with was nice and seemed like there would be no problem getting us approved. She even had a backup plan if there were problems.
Since it was raining when we initially went in, we couldn't view the property, so we decided to stop in yesterday. Wow. My confidence in being approved went down! Another girl grabbed our paperwork and started changing things, having us resign things and questioning things. She seemed a LOT less hopeful. I also don't think she was happy with the performace of girl number one.
When we left I was frustrated to say the least. Pretty much my attitude went sour and I may have taken it out on Matt.
Today I was reflecting on it. I started ''praying'' about it. Now, I wasn't making declariations over what could happen, and these prayers definitely didn't have God's plan in mind. I wasn't trusting Him. I was telling Him what was best for ME. What I knew we can handle, not what He has in mind.
I started trying to figure out, why do I pray this way? Why am I trying to tell God what is best for me? I don't know about you, but I think I do this pretty often. I try to change God's mind to fit what I think is best, when He had my best interest in mind all along. I realized, if I wait it out and don't get my way- I will probably learn a lesson! YUCK! Who wants to learn a lesson? I mean really. I already know EVERYTHING, RIGHT?
Ever since I came to this realization, my attitude toward the situation has changed. I am more hopeful. I have started making declariations about what will happen. For example: I DECLARE that God has a place for us and it will be revealed in perfect timing. I took control of what I can, my words. I put my trust BACK in the one who is ultimately in control.
Beni Johnson says in her book The Happy Intercessor that she refuses ''to pray out of fear.'' That we should ask God how to pray, and not focus on the crisis, but on God Himself. That has always stuck with me when I pray, or have been asked to pray (or even send a prayer request, for that matter).
I leave you with this:
Jesus overcame everything long before anything happened. He overcame the WORLD. I think He can handle our apartment situation.