''If there is a heartbeat...'': One Year Later

It was nearly one year ago that I laid in a hospital bed waiting for a doctor to perform a sonogram. After a day of unpacking and cooking, I felt what could have been my water breaking at a very early 20 weeks and 1 day. This sonogram would tell us if I was, in fact, losing amniotic fluid. I was. I was given the option to induce labor and terminate the pregnancy, however the on call doctor gave me many other options.
I don't remember the car ride home. I don't remember the exact details, but I do remember asking for my mom or mother-in-law to come stay with me. I remember crying, a lot.
I was told that I would probably go into labor within 24-48 hours, or get an infection within 72 hours. I never showed any signs of labor or infection, though. 
It was a few days later that my mother and I went in for a check-up with my doctor. The sonogram showed tiny pockets of fluid, but I could see the sadness in my doctors face. The worry and the lack of hope. My mother stayed very strong and told him we believe in miracles.
As my doctor began discussing a plan to move forward I remember these words so clear ''and if there is a heartbeat next week...'' I would hear this for four more weeks of home bed rest. Visiting my doctor as well as a Perinatologist, week by week I was told what would happen next, of course focusing on what could go wrong. Hoping for a miracle, but hanging on on those words: ''if there is a heartbeat''. Each week I would anxiously await the next appointment, waiting to hear the heart beat of this child I already loved so much.
I laid in bed, only getting up to use the restroom or bathe. I watched movies, visited with friends and tried to keep my mind off of the negative. At my checkup at 23 weeks and 6 days my doctor made the decision to admit me to the hospital for closer observation. Then it turned into everyday visits from the doctors. Everyday I would hear those words. I was monitored for an hour a day, and would hear a feisty little girl kick the monitors on my belly. I would hear that strong heartbeat. A few days they felt hear heart rate dipped too low and she was on the monitor for a bit longer. I would nap to the sound of her heartbeat. The most beautiful sound I had ever heard.
It was the night she hit 26 weeks that the placenta began to separate and die. Olive quickly went from being completely healthy, to being in serious distress in a matter of minutes. At 26 weeks and 1 day she was born. She cried when she came out and it was the best sound I had ever heard.
She was rushed up to the NICU and it was a very long 12 hours before I would see her for the first time. Many people say when they see their preemie for the first time they are sad or scared. I was completely in awe as she breathed in and out with the assistance of a ventilator.
I looked up and saw numbers on the monitor and the NICU nurse began to tell me ''this is her oxygen saturation and this is her HEART RATE''. I sat and watched it. Many times I saw the numbers drop, but the nurses always came running.
Olive was 6 days old when I was able to hold her for the first time. She had dropped below 2 lbs and fit in my shirt. It was an amazing day.
For the first 149 days of her life she was on monitors. She endured 3 surgical procedures. She came home two days shy of her 5 month birth date.
She is now 10 months old and is quite big for a former preemie. She never lets any of the limits that were put on her hold her back. She is growing and developing very well and though she's needed to be tube fed for her entire life, she is slowly starting to eat by mouth. I laugh sometimes at the thought of her once fitting in my shirt and imagine trying to squeeze all of her wonderful 19 lbs into my shirt, although she is strong enough to fight me from doing so now!
I still watch her breath in and out and I lay my ear on her chest to hear that beautiful, strong heartbeat.

Update: Higher Risk

I just wanted to give an update on what's going on with the Monks, mostly Baby Monk. Sorry if some of it is TMI... 

Well, we are all moved into the house and had started unpacking and I stepped away to start cooking. All of the sudden I felt what felt like the bleeding I experienced in early pregnancy. I hurried to the bathroom and I lost some fluid. I had no pains and no fever, though.

I yelled for Matt and we got in the car and headed to the hospital. I called the on call doctor and she called ahead to labor and delivery. 

I was brought into a room and had to go through triage. The nurse was very sweet and calm. She took some samples and said the doctor was going to have to do an exam to get a better sample. She kept me calm and made sure to tell me all of the possibilities. 

The doctor then did a sonogram and we saw our daughter moving around and her little heartbeat, but the amount of fluid around her was very low. 

The doctor left only to return shortly to let me know that my amniotic sac had definitely ruptured. She went through all of the options, worst case I would go into labor or I could get an infection resulting in early forced labor.

Next is that I could hang in there for 3 weeks, see my doctor and the Perinatologist and they could come up with a plan for me to check into the large Seton Hospital in Austin. At 23-24 weeks they can use steroids and antibiotics to keep me healthy and help baby develop for a possible premature birth. 

There is hope. I have heard/read stories of the amniotic fluid replenishing itself and babies making it to full term. Also, the amniotic sac healing itself and the threat going down significantly! 

Needless to say, I am on STRICT bed rest. Only getting out of bed/off the couch for using the restroom, short showers and travel to the doctor. 

As of this morning I have not leaked any fluid (thank you Jesus). I am staying super hydrated to keep the risk of labor down. My mom is coming in town for a few days and my mother in law for a few days to help out. 

I had to get another Rhogam shot this morning and the nurse said its a good sign I haven't leaked any fluid! My mom will take me I my doctor on Wednesday and then I will see the Perinatologist Monday. 

I have been declaring life over our tiny girl's body and declaring for contractions to hold off for another 4 months. Declaring health and no infections in Jesus name! Declaring that the amniotic sac will heal itself and close up. 

Matt is taking good care of me and I haven't had to do anything for myself. I hate that I can't clean up after myself or make my own food right now. Even getting up to get water is probably more than I should be doing. 

Please stand with us for our little girl. 

Psalm 91 gives us promise of our God being greater than any trial. That he protects us in the scariest of times. 

John 16:33 declares that in this world we will face trials, but we should take heart, Jesus has overcome the world. 

I believe with all my heart he is protecting us.